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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! And What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
Laughing out Loud!
haha bumpz for a farnie.
don't be a pussy, click a link if you're feeling lucky today.
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me.
It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate.she never did it around anyone else.
One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.
She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
She couldn't overcome them anymore.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.
She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".
Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said.
"if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment.
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
He said, 'Paulie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son..'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
So we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me.
It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate.she never did it around anyone else.
One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.
She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
She couldn't overcome them anymore.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.
She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".
Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said.
"if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment.
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
He said, 'Paulie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son..'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Santa Singh while traveling in a plane was continuously looking at a woman's legs and saw that she wasn't wearing her panties and beneath her tall waxed legs was a clean shaved pussy that was just unbelievable.
Woman: I know what you are looking at.
Santa apologetically: I am sorry Ma'am this would not happen again.
Woman: that's perfectly OK. I know I'm not wearing my panties but one thing u don't know is dat my pussy can do funny things.
Santa: like what?
Woman: it can wink
Santa: show me how?
The woman lifted her skirt and made her clean shaved pussy wink at the Santa.
Santa: wow its amazing.
Woman: it can blow a kiss as well and she made her nice white lips blow a kiss At Him
Santa got completely floored by this and was in awe of what he just saw.
Woman who was completely hot n wet and wanted some action said to Santa: you can come next to my seat and put your fingers in my pussy..
Santa: Teri Bhain di, don't tell me it can whistle too!
Woman: I know what you are looking at.
Santa apologetically: I am sorry Ma'am this would not happen again.
Woman: that's perfectly OK. I know I'm not wearing my panties but one thing u don't know is dat my pussy can do funny things.
Santa: like what?
Woman: it can wink
Santa: show me how?
The woman lifted her skirt and made her clean shaved pussy wink at the Santa.
Santa: wow its amazing.
Woman: it can blow a kiss as well and she made her nice white lips blow a kiss At Him
Santa got completely floored by this and was in awe of what he just saw.
Woman who was completely hot n wet and wanted some action said to Santa: you can come next to my seat and put your fingers in my pussy..
Santa: Teri Bhain di, don't tell me it can whistle too!
SOME IRONIES THAT EXIST IN INDIA
1) Indian Parents want their children to stand out in a crowd, but expect them to do what the crowd is doing
2) Politicians Divide us, Terrorists Unite us
3) It’s ok to Piss in public, but it's not ok to kiss in public
4) Every1's in hurry, but no one reaches in time
5) Priyanka Chopra earned more money playing Mary Kom, than Mary Kom earned in her entire career.
6) Its dangerous to talk to strangers, but it's perfectly ok to marry one
7) Most people who fight over Gita and Quran, have probably never read any of them
8) We rather spend more on our daughter's wedding than on their education
9) The shoes we wear are sold in air Conditioned showrooms, the vegetables we eat are sold on the footpath.
1) Indian Parents want their children to stand out in a crowd, but expect them to do what the crowd is doing
2) Politicians Divide us, Terrorists Unite us
3) It’s ok to Piss in public, but it's not ok to kiss in public
4) Every1's in hurry, but no one reaches in time
5) Priyanka Chopra earned more money playing Mary Kom, than Mary Kom earned in her entire career.
6) Its dangerous to talk to strangers, but it's perfectly ok to marry one
7) Most people who fight over Gita and Quran, have probably never read any of them
8) We rather spend more on our daughter's wedding than on their education
9) The shoes we wear are sold in air Conditioned showrooms, the vegetables we eat are sold on the footpath.
When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
BUT...when a guy orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optimal built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!
BUT...when a guy orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optimal built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!!
When a guy gets a vibrator for his girl, he's seen as an open-minded guy.
BUT...when a girl orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optimal built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system for her guy, she's called a cold fish!
BUT...when a girl orders a 240-volt Binford FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6-speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optimal built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system for her guy, she's called a cold fish!
Six Laughs:
No1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep.
The next day, their driver died of poisoning.
**************************************
No2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS.
His son asked Dad why?
He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.
**************************************
No3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband.
Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
************************************
No4
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them,
Son: "What are you doing?" Ask the son.
Father: "I’m putting petrol on your Mom."
Son: "Haauu - Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday."
Mother fainted!
**************************************
No5
A man went to the pub with his wife.
When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered:
"You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay.
**************************************
No. 6 - Classic
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.
In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?
The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"
**************************************
No1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep.
The next day, their driver died of poisoning.
**************************************
No2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS.
His son asked Dad why?
He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.
**************************************
No3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband.
Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
************************************
No4
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them,
Son: "What are you doing?" Ask the son.
Father: "I’m putting petrol on your Mom."
Son: "Haauu - Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday."
Mother fainted!
**************************************
No5
A man went to the pub with his wife.
When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered:
"You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay.
**************************************
No. 6 - Classic
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.
In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?
The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!"
**************************************
Never too old?
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting his coat on.
His wife, seeing his unexpected behaviour, asks, "And where do you think you are going?"
He replies, "I'm off to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Hearing this the wife starts struggling to get out of her rocker, she then slowly goes to the cupboard and starts to put on her coat.
The husband now looks mystified and starts to yell at his wife. He says, "And where on earth do you think you are going?
“Oh” she answers, "I'm off to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need a doctor for?"
She says, "Well if you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot!"
Maths? Heard 1st one before, but there are more ...:p
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
brilliant!
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
'From now on when I say BELL 1
I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2
I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3
We are going to make love all night.
The next night he came home from work and yelled 'BELL 1!'
The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
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When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'
'What the hell is BELL 4 ?' asked the husband?
'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, 'she replied'
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'
'From now on when I say BELL 1
I want you to strip naked.
When I say BELL 2
I want you to jump in bed.
And when I say BELL 3
We are going to make love all night.
The next night he came home from work and yelled 'BELL 1!'
The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
Love Sexy & Naughty Mails ? Click Here to Join our Group!
When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled ' BELL 3!', they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!'
'What the hell is BELL 4 ?' asked the husband?
'ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, 'she replied'
YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.'
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