-
IP addresses are NOT logged in this forum so there's no point asking. Please note that this forum is full of homophobes, racists, lunatics, schizophrenics & absolute nut jobs with a smattering of geniuses, Chinese chauvinists, Moderate Muslims and last but not least a couple of "know-it-alls" constantly sprouting their dubious wisdom. If you believe that content generated by unsavory characters might cause you offense PLEASE LEAVE NOW! Sammyboy Admin and Staff are not responsible for your hurt feelings should you choose to read any of the content here. The OTHER forum is HERE so please stop asking.
Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Weapons in the US
[FONT=&] Sherif Arafa
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]The massacre in Orlando has again sparked the debate on the availability of guns in the US.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&] Sherif Arafa
[/FONT]
[FONT=&]The massacre in Orlando has again sparked the debate on the availability of guns in the US.
[/FONT]
Monks pre-ordained? :p
Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them.
Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response, until she got to the final monk.
As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and all the other bells went off.
Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them.
Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response, until she got to the final monk.
As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and all the other bells went off.
Genie and fishing :p
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter
He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies “Oh I have a personal genie.”
The first man asks “Can I make a wish? ” Sure says the other man
“Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing”
“Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants
The man says ” I want a Million Bucks ” The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks
fly over head. And the guy says to the other ” Your genie really sucks at hearing doesnt he?”
The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC”
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter
He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies “Oh I have a personal genie.”
The first man asks “Can I make a wish? ” Sure says the other man
“Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing”
“Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants
The man says ” I want a Million Bucks ” The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks
fly over head. And the guy says to the other ” Your genie really sucks at hearing doesnt he?”
The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC”
Poor Old Fool
“Poor Old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar.
He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today".
Sunday Afternoon Quickie
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments later: "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later: "Looks like the Sanders are moving."
"Jason is on his skateboard."
A few more moments: "The Coopers are playing in their bedroom."
Startled, his mother and father shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously asked: "How do you know they are… playing in their bedroom?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."
Van Man...................
Frank and Fiona were making passionate love in Frank's van when suddenly Fiona,
who was a bit on the kinky side,and had just read "40 shades of grey", yells out, "Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
Frank, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand,
but in a flash of inspiration, opened the window, snaps the antenna off his van
and proceeds to whip Fiona until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
About a week later Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping session are not healing
and starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks: "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Fiona a little too embarrassed that she had even had sex with Frank,
let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires, eventually admits,
"Yes I did."
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims:
"I thought so because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
Tickets
My mate has two tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but he is getting
married on that day and cannot attend. If anyone wants to go instead of
him it's at St Andrews Church in Brighton and the brides name is Sarah.
“Poor Old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar.
He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today".
Sunday Afternoon Quickie
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments later: "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later: "Looks like the Sanders are moving."
"Jason is on his skateboard."
A few more moments: "The Coopers are playing in their bedroom."
Startled, his mother and father shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously asked: "How do you know they are… playing in their bedroom?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."
Van Man...................
Frank and Fiona were making passionate love in Frank's van when suddenly Fiona,
who was a bit on the kinky side,and had just read "40 shades of grey", yells out, "Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
Frank, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand,
but in a flash of inspiration, opened the window, snaps the antenna off his van
and proceeds to whip Fiona until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
About a week later Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping session are not healing
and starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks: "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Fiona a little too embarrassed that she had even had sex with Frank,
let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires, eventually admits,
"Yes I did."
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims:
"I thought so because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
Tickets
My mate has two tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but he is getting
married on that day and cannot attend. If anyone wants to go instead of
him it's at St Andrews Church in Brighton and the brides name is Sarah.
Congratulations to bro yinyang for the promotion of this thread to STICKY!
This is a great thread indeed with many fun laughs to pass the day!
Let us all contribute if we find nice jokes, shall we?
This is a great thread indeed with many fun laughs to pass the day!
Let us all contribute if we find nice jokes, shall we?
*How to TALK
*
Talk to *Mot
her* _lovingly_
Talk to *Father* _respectfully_
Talk to *Brothers* _heartfully_
Talk to *Sisters* _affectionately_
Talk to *Children* _enthusiastically_
Talk to *Relatives* _empathetically_
Talk to *Friends* _jovially_
Talk to *Officials* _politely_
Talk to *Vendors* _strictly_
Talk to *Customers* _honestly_
Talk to *Workers* _courteously_
Talk to *Politicians* _carefully_
Talk to *GOD* _silently_
Talk to *WIFE* ~no no~ ......
*KEEP QUIET & LISTEN ONLY!!!*
No other OPTION!
Talk to *Mot
Talk to *Father* _respectfully_
Talk to *Brothers* _heartfully_
Talk to *Sisters* _affectionately_
Talk to *Children* _enthusiastically_
Talk to *Relatives* _empathetically_
Talk to *Friends* _jovially_
Talk to *Officials* _politely_
Talk to *Vendors* _strictly_
Talk to *Customers* _honestly_
Talk to *Workers* _courteously_
Talk to *Politicians* _carefully_
Talk to *GOD* _silently_
Talk to *WIFE* ~no no~ ......
*KEEP QUIET & LISTEN ONLY!!!*
No other OPTION!
Involuntary Muscle Contraction
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’
Robbed By A Midget
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow!" comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?"
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow!" comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?"
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
Boredom
Q: What did our parents do to kill the boredom
before the Internet?
A: Well, I asked my 26 brothers and sisters
and they don't know either . . .
Q: What did our parents do to kill the boredom
before the Internet?
A: Well, I asked my 26 brothers and sisters
and they don't know either . . .
Crazy vs Stupid
A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to the Mental Hospital. He discovered a flat tire when he was about to leave. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tire off. When he was about to replace the flat tire with the spare tire, he accidentally dropped all the nuts into a storm drain.
Realizing he can't fish the nuts out, he starts to panic. A patient walking by asks him what happened.
The driver told him his problem. And the patient said "Can't even fix such a
simple problem... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
"Here's what you can do, take one nut each from the other 3 tires and then tighten them on to the spare. Then drive to the nearest garage and replace the missing ones, easy as that!"
The driver was very impressed and asked: "You're so smart but why are you here in a Mental Hospital?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I am here because I'm CRAZY, not STUPID!! "
__________________
A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to the Mental Hospital. He discovered a flat tire when he was about to leave. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tire off. When he was about to replace the flat tire with the spare tire, he accidentally dropped all the nuts into a storm drain.
Realizing he can't fish the nuts out, he starts to panic. A patient walking by asks him what happened.
The driver told him his problem. And the patient said "Can't even fix such a
simple problem... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
"Here's what you can do, take one nut each from the other 3 tires and then tighten them on to the spare. Then drive to the nearest garage and replace the missing ones, easy as that!"
The driver was very impressed and asked: "You're so smart but why are you here in a Mental Hospital?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I am here because I'm CRAZY, not STUPID!! "
__________________
A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank. In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off. He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her. He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face. She said that she did and he shot and killed her too. He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place. The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.
The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
Similar threads
