Jokes

DOM the Clown · Jul 15, 2008

This one I picked up......from Boss' Great Asian Values Site.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
[
B]Driver:[/B] Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too . :biggrin:

tenggiri · Jul 15, 2008

Subject: : GUESS WHO IS THE SMARTEST OF THEM ALL ? ( Humor )

General Musharraf, Dr Mahathir, Gloria Arroyo & Lee Kuan Yew were sitting in a train.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark for the next 8 seconds.

Suddenly there is a loud kissing sound and then a slap !

The train comes out of the tunnel.

Arroyo and Musharraf are seated across each other, both looking perplexed.

Mahathir, seated across LKY, is bent over holding his face,

which is very red from an apparent big slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Musharraf is thinking : “ These Malaysians are all crazy after Arroyo.

Mahathir must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel.

Very proper that she slapped him ! ”

Arroyo is thinking :
“ Mahathir must have moved to kiss me,

but kissed Musharraf instead and got slapped. ”

Mahathir is thinking : “ Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss Arroyo ;

she thought it was me and slapped me instead. Shit !! ”

Lee Kuan Yew is thinking :

“ If this train goes through one more tunnel,

I could make another kissing sound and slap Mahathir again !! ”

.

jjohnn tan · Jul 15, 2008

Jolly GOOD One !

Adept · Jul 15, 2008

Marketing

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and say,"I am very rich. Marry me!"
>>>"That's Direct Marketing"

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, He's very rich. Marry him."
>>>"That's Advertising."

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
>>>"That's Telemarketing."

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich, will you marry me?"
>>>"That's Public Relations."

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
>>>"That's Brand Recognition."

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me." She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
>>>"That's Customer Feedback."

Adept · Jul 15, 2008

Answering nature's call for a big one, I rush to a shopping mall toilet to do some business. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the next cubicle saying : "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's toilet But I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doing just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just shopping when I need to do some urgent business!"

At this point I'm just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously... "Listen. I'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other cubicle who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

loafer73 · Jul 15, 2008

dom the clown said:
this one i picked up......from boss' great asian values site.

a police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

officer: may i see your driver's license?

driver: i don't have one. I had it suspended when i got my 5th dui.

officer: may i see the owner's card for this vehicle?

driver: it's not my car. I stole it.

officer: the car is stolen?

driver: that's right. But come to think of it, i think i saw the owner's card in the glove box when i was putting my gun in there.

officer: there's a gun in the glove box?

driver: yes sir. That's where i put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

officer: there's a body in the trunk?!?!?

driver: yes, sir.

hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

captain: sir, may i see your license?

driver: sure. Here it is. It was valid.

captain: whose car is this?

driver: it's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

captain: could you slowly open your glove box so i can see if there's a gun in it?
[
b]driver:[/b] yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

captain: would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

driver: no problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

captain: i don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

driver: really? Ain't that something? And i'll bet the liar told you i was speeding, too . :d

good one! :d

lovejenete · Dec 22, 2009

Bill Gates' Microsoft made a software to run a car. Bill Gates was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side. Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes. A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?" Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill Gates forgot the password to open the door. He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams. Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane. A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed. All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died in fire.

Jokes

DOM the Clown

Alfrescian

tenggiri

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jjohnn tan

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Adept

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Adept

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loafer73

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lovejenete

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